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Archive for June, 2010

Three Dates + 200 Years

jonah on June 28, 2010

Say you’re a woman who knows what she wants. And sees no reason to wait for it. Especially when the clock is ticking. Like Courtney Stone. Avid reader of relationship self-help literature and master of what she calls her “system.”

“Sometimes I think it’s better to be the pursuer,” says Courtney. “If I like someone, I want to seal the deal right away.”

Imagine that you, like Courtney, find yourself awakening one morning in a world where women are never the pursuer. A world where women wait. And wait. And wait some more.

That would be Jane Austen’s world. 1813 England. Where Courtney has inexplicably traded places with Miss Jane Mansfield, a gentleman’s daughter.

How would you deal with the rules of courtship in Regency England? Where, as Jane says, “One would never reveal feelings to a gentleman unless he had proffered and offered his feelings towards you first.”

And how will Jane make sense of a world where the received wisdom is to wait three dates before you sleep with someone?

Three dates?? Before you sleep with someone? And you come from a world where a lady is supposed to be a virgin when she marries?

After falling away into a dead faint, you, like Jane, might wonder if you had landed in a mental asylum instead of 2010 Los Angeles.

Or could it be both? Watch Episode 7 of SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL, “Lady in Waiting,” and find out. Only on Babelgum.

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Guest blogger Laurie Viera Rigler is the author of the time-swapping novels RUDE AWAKENINGS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT and CONFESSIONS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT (available from Plume/Penguin Books and Bloomsbury), which inspired the Babelgum original comedy series SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL.

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Etiquette For The Modern Man

jonah on June 24, 2010

We were going to title this “Squirrel on Water-skis” or “Kitten Playing Piano”, that always gets the views, but we figured you were too smart for that nonsense.

Nick: Hey, what is etiquette?
Matt: That’s the fruity English game with a mallet.
Nick: That’s croquette.
Matt: Whatever.
Nick: Webster’s definition is, “the customary of polite behavior in society”
Matt: Who the fuck is Webster?
Nick: Shut up, we’re talking about etiquette. This isn’t your grandmother’s Emily Post “balancing a book on your head type of shit”. We’re talking about man etiquette.
Matt: Maniquette!
Nick: That’s right. Now, our top 5 Maniquette issues.

1) Grooming.
Its date night, and you know you’re visiting “Sexytown”, but the downstairs looks like Dr. J’s “afro” circa 1978. Trim? Definitely, but NEVER put a razor near the boys. Leave that for posers wearing True Religion. Also, trimming makes the “Exxon Valdenis” look bigger. Insensitive with the whole oil spill in the Gulf? Perhaps. Bottom-line, keep it tight. Ladies will thank you.

2) The Break Up.
There are many bad ways to break up and only one good way. Don’t do it by post-it note, your mother calling for you, moving out while they’re at work, or faking your death. Do it face to face, telling the honest truth. Be a man.

3) What to bring to a dinner party.
A bottle of wine isn’t good enough. If you want to be memorable, knock it out of the park by bringing an assortment of Tums, Advil, and Visine for everyone at the party. This says, “Hey, lets get it on and I also care about your welfare”. You’ll make the party list every time.

4) Job Interview
You know what to wear, so we’ll skip it. Interviewing is about the best of you, so lie your ass off and go get it. It’s a job! Have you read the paper? Have you seen the unemployment rate?

5) Maxims to live by so you don’t look like a douche.
Don’t take ecstasy at family celebrations. No sunglasses inside. Never sit on the same side of the booth with your date. When jumping from a speeding car, roll with the fall. When facing a bear, avoid eye contact and slowly back away. On the flip side, if you encounter a burglar in your house, get the fuck out. Follow these daily, and you’ll be okay.

Guest blogging are Matt Ferrucci & Nick Mouyiaris. You can watch Matt and Nick in the Babelgum original comedy series REAL MEN REAL ISSUES.

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No Make-up? No Way.

jonah on June 22, 2010

Some of us have nightmares in which we find ourselves at work with our clothes off.

And some of us have nightmares in which we are the only girl at the party without make-up.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But if you’re a woman, imagining a date or even a day at the office without make-up can trigger a mini-anxiety attack.

And I don’t mean a full face of foundation and three shades of eye shadow–we’re not that vain. I mean that one thing (or maybe two) you just have to do to your face before you leave the house.

For some it’s a dab of lipstick. A touch of concealer under the eyes. Or a swipe of mascara. It’s the one thing that makes you feel like you have features on your face instead of that blurry blob you see when you first wake up in the morning. Even if it’s not the morning after last night’s too-many-martinis debacle.

“Concealer & Mascara,” anyone? That’s the title of this week’s episode of SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL, in which Courtney and Jane, our two time-swapping/body-switching heroines, discuss what they just can’t live without. In Regency England and in twenty-first-century L.A..

“Just a little concealer,” begs Courtney, pampered, gowned, and hairstyled in Jane Austen’s England but jonesing nonetheless for the basics in her make-up bag. “That’s all I ask.”

As for Jane, recently transplanted from the no-make-up-land of 1813 England to the Vanity Central that is today’s L.A., one part of her is horrified at the beauty regimen that many women endure, while the other part is thrilled with all the fun toys in Courtney’s make-up kit.

So next time you’re fantasizing about time-traveling to the land of Jane Austen and “Pride and Prejudice,” ask yourself if you’re ready to meet Mr. Darcy without your lipstick on.

And watch “Concealer & Mascara,” this week’s episode of SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL. Only on Babelgum.

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Guest blogger Laurie Viera Rigler is the author of the time-swapping novels RUDE AWAKENINGS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT and CONFESSIONS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT (available from Plume/Penguin Books and Bloomsbury), which inspired the Babelgum original comedy series SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL.

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Scents and Sensibility

jonah on June 14, 2010

Ever been on your way to work and realized you forgot to put on deodorant? Imagine you couldn’t turn back to get it—or even worse, that you lived in a world where there is no deodorant at all.

And no one else but you seems to mind it.

It’s enough to put you at ease for your blunder—or give you a major freak-out. Depending on your point of view.

After all, could it be possible that we have taken our ideas of “clean” too far? Have we scrubbed, deodorized, and perfumed away our very essence, and maybe even our sex appeal along with it?

Jane and Courtney, the time-swapping heroines of SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL, explore these and other fragrant questions in this week’s episode, “Is Clean Sexy?”

You might think the answer to that title is a no-brainer, right? After all, Courtney, our 21st-century heroine who’s inhabiting Jane’s body and life in Regency England, is shocked by the personal hygiene, or lack thereof, of the people of Jane Austen’s world.

“When I fantasized about Mr. Darcy and Pride and Prejudice,” she says, “I just never imagined all the smells.”

Jane, however, recently transplanted from 1813 England into Courtney’s life in 2010 L.A., has another opinion: “I like men to smell natural.”

Though she does enjoy the experience of having “a rain shower inside the house.”

Would you be willing to give up your daily shower in exchange for an up-close-and-personal look (and sniff) at Mr. Darcy?

Find out in Episode 5 of SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL, “Is Clean Sexy?” Only on Babelgum.

Guest blogger Laurie Viera Rigler is the author of the time-swapping novels RUDE AWAKENINGS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT and CONFESSIONS OF A JANE AUSTEN ADDICT (available from Plume/Penguin Books and Bloomsbury), which inspired the Babelgum original comedy series SEX AND THE AUSTEN GIRL.

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5 Simple Rules for Understanding & Enjoying the 2010 WORLD CUP

jonah on June 10, 2010

For all those non-soccer fans that are using the World Cup as an excuse to get drunk like an Irishman, Babelgum Comedy would like to offer you some basic information and helpful futball watching tips. These will allow you to seem like you know what’s going on on the field – because sometimes excessive drinking just isn’t enough.

1. Your safest choice is to route for the home team (The United States) but if you’re feeling adventurous, pick whatever country your great grandparents emigrated from. Don’t be distracted by the fact that you no longer share any of their old world values, and that they left that particular country because they were poor and starving. Routing for Poland will make it seem like you actually care about futball.

2. Just so we’re clear, MOST of the players on the field can’t touch the ball with their hands. So if that happens, scream loudly in protest. However, one particular man on each team is allowed to touch the ball – these are called goalies. Here are some phrases to yell when your goalie uses his hands to block the ball from entering the net: “That was a head’s up play!” “He’s like a stone wall today!” “Reflexes like a jaguar!” (note: referencing the attributes of a jungle cat is always relevant).

3. Players CAN hit the ball with their heads though. That’s totally cool. Heads, knees, chests, anything can touch that ball except for the hands. But if it does touch the hands, scream.

4. Yes, you heard the announcer right. The World Cup is taking place in South Africa. But no, that country really isn’t that dangerous anymore. Well, not the parts near the stadiums. I mean, okay, it is somewhat dangerous, but not much worse than the city of Detroit. Either way, the army will quell any riots so that shouldn’t be too concerned.

5. When players’ score “goals” (when the ball goes into the net) they often celebrate in a manner similar to end-zone dancing in American football. But in soccer, the celebratory goal almost always involves a man taking off his shirt. This is fully normal. Just act like it is fully normal. Then teammates (possibly also topless) will pile on top of that man. Normal. Still completely normal. Keep cheering.

We hope this makes your World Cup watching more fruitful. And remember – never let on that you are confused and would rather be watching a real sport.

Guest-Bloggers, Landline TV, are Babelgum’s own Justice League of comedy superheroes.

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Why The Fuss Over Jane Austen?

jonah on June 2, 2010

Ever wondered why all the fuss about Jane Austen?

Here’s all you need to know.

Smart comedy. High drama. True love.

Men in tight knee breeches setting women’s hearts a-flutter in their high-waisted gowns.

Self-discovery. Happy endings. Girl power.

Yes, girl power. In a time when girls really had no power at all. Regency England. Early nineteenth century. When there was no moving out of your parents’ house till you got married. No going to college. No traveling on your own. No career choices. You were a wife and a mother, or you were someone’s spinster aunt.

But in Jane Austen’s stories, girl always meets boy. Girl always ends up with boy. And he’s the kind of boy you wouldn’t mind marrying if you had to marry someone. Not at all.

Jane Austen only wrote six novels, but they’re the kind of novels you’ll want to read over and over again. Plus you can watch all of the films till they start skipping and you have to buy a new one. You can collect things like the Jane Austen Action Figure “with writing desk and quill pen!” You can even dress up in long gowns and go to Jane Austen balls.

Some of us do all of those things, and write our own books, too. Like my two novels, Rude Awakenings of a Jane Austen Addict and Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict. Which inspired the original Babelgum series Sex and the Austen Girl.

The set-up: Two young women, one from 21st-century Los Angeles, the other from 1813 England, inexplicably switch bodies, time periods, and lives. The only thing they appear to have in common—aside from a mutual love of Jane Austen—is a propensity for disastrous relationships.

Culture shock, hilarity, and romantic chaos ensue.

Together for the first time in Sex and the Austen Girl, these two ladies face off to debate life’s big questions:

Are we more likely to meet our Mr. Darcy here in the 21st-century, or back in Regency England?

If we did meet him, would we change our Facebook relationship status?

Which era has the more ridiculous dating and mating rituals, ours or Jane Austen’s?

Are we better off now, or would we be better off then?

Answers every Monday, only on Babelgum.

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